Why Change Is Hard (Even Good Change), and How to Move Through It
- Aurora Center for Psychology and Wellbeing
- Dec 8
- 4 min read
Change is one of the only guarantees in life, yet it often feels overwhelming, disorienting, or emotionally heavy. Even changes we choose (a new job, a move, a new relationship, a healthier habit) can create tension inside us.And the changes we don’t choose (illness, loss, aging, relationship shifts, caregiving needs, or unexpected life transitions) can shake our sense of stability.
If you’ve ever wondered:“Why is this so hard? I should be able to handle this.”
You are not alone. And nothing is wrong with you.
Why Change Is Hard: The Neuroscience Behind It
Our brains are wired to keep us safe by predicting what comes next. Change, even positive change, disrupts those predictions.
When life shifts suddenly or significantly, your nervous system may respond with:
Increased anxiety or worry
Irritability or emotional ups and downs
Fatigue or shutdown
Difficulty focusing or making decisions
A feeling of “not being yourself”
It’s not weakness: it’s biology.Your brain is trying to regain stability in a world that suddenly feels uncertain.
This is why transitions can feel exhausting: your system is working overtime to adjust.
Changes We Choose vs. Changes We Don’t
Not all change feels the same.
Changes we choose (and may even look forward to)
Starting therapy
Moving to a new city
Leaving a job
Beginning or ending a relationship
Starting a new health routine
These can bring excitement and fear at the same time.Joy and discomfort often coexist.
Changes we don’t choose (and would never have asked for)
Illness or new diagnoses
Chronic pain or migraines
Caregiving responsibilities
Losing someone you love
Job loss or unexpected financial stress
Trauma or relationship rupture
Aging-related transitions
These changes can shake your identity, your relationships, and your sense of control.
And it’s absolutely human to need support through them.
How Change Shows Up in the Mind and Body
Many people feel surprised by how physical change can feel.
Change may show up as:
Tightness in the chest
Trouble sleeping
Feeling “on alert”
Difficulty regulating emotions
Feeling stuck or shut down
Waves of grief or numbness
Feeling overwhelmed by small tasks
These are not signs you’re “failing.”They’re signs your nervous system is adjusting.
If you'd like to learn more about this, you may find these posts helpful:
→ When Anxiety Shows Up in the Body: Understanding Physical Symptoms
→ Listening to the Body: How Emotions Shows trough Physical Symptoms
Three Things That Make Change More Manageable
Healing during change is not about forcing yourself to be positive.It’s about helping your brain and body feel safer as you move forward.
1. Naming the Change
When you name what is shifting (out loud, in writing, or with a therapist) the nervous system receives a signal of clarity.
Clarity creates calm.
2. Making Space for Mixed Emotions
You can feel hope and fear at the same time.Relief and grief.Excitement and dread.
Mixed emotions are normal and meaningful, not a sign you’re doing it wrong.
3. Using strategies that support the nervous system
This may include:
IFS (Internal Family Systems) to understand the “parts” responding to the change
ACT to help you stay aligned with your values
CBT to challenge unhelpful thought patterns
Art therapy to express what words can’t capture
tDCS for chronic pain, migraines, or mood changes
Mind-body tools to regulate stress responses
These approaches support the brain and body as they learn to adapt.
You Don’t Have to Move Through Change Alone
Whether the change in your life was chosen or not, you deserve support that honors both your emotional experience and your nervous system’s needs.
If you’re navigating:
A health diagnosis
Caregiving stress
Chronic pain or migraines
Trauma or its echoes
A major life transition
Anxiety, overwhelm, or emotional exhaustion
Identity changes
The loss of someone or something meaningful
Therapy can help you find steadiness, clarity, and resilience, even when life feels unpredictable.
You don’t have to face these shifts alone.With the right support, change becomes something you can move through, not something you have to manage on your own.
Related Posts You May Find Helpful
Understand why physical symptoms appear during stress and how your nervous system responds to change.
Learn tools to build emotional flexibility during life transitions.
Listening to the Body: How Emotions Shows trough Physical Symptoms
Explore how your body communicates overwhelm, activation, and shutdown.
Discover how trauma affects the brain and why compassionate, paced healing is essential.
A deeper look at the psychology of transitions and what helps you move through them with steadiness and clarity.
Learn how Internal Family Systems supports healing during times of uncertainty or inner conflict.
Find out how kindness toward yourself strengthens resilience during difficult changes.
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