Why the Holidays Feel Hard (and How to Care for Yourself Through It)

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, connection, and celebration. But for many people, this time of year feels overwhelming, stressful, or even painful. If the holidays bring up anxiety, grief, exhaustion, or complicated family dynamics, you’re not alone—and there’s nothing wrong with you.

In therapy, I often remind clients that the holidays don’t create new struggles; they amplify what is already present. Expectations become heavier, emotions run high, and old patterns resurface. Understanding why this season feels challenging can help you approach it with more clarity, self-compassion, and steadiness.

Reason 1: Holiday Expectations Are Unrealistically High

The pressure to be cheerful, productive, generous, social, and emotionally available “on command” is enormous. Advertisements, movies, and social media paint a picture of perfect families and effortless gatherings, but real life is more complicated.

When expectations rise:

• perfectionism gets triggered

• self-criticism becomes louder

• parts of us feel like we’re “failing”

• emotional bandwidth shrinks

If you notice tension building, try gently lowering the bar:

• You do not have to make the holidays magical.

• You do not need to show up with boundless energy.

• You do not need to meet everyone’s expectations.

Sometimes “good enough” is more than enough.

Reason 2: Family Dynamics Can Activate Old Patterns

Holiday gatherings often bring people back into environments where old roles resurface: caretaker, mediator, “strong one,” “quiet one,” or the person who holds everything together. Even if you’ve grown, healed, or changed, your system may react as if you’re stepping back in time.

An IFS perspective can be helpful here:parts of you that protect, please, withdraw, or brace for conflict may come online quickly.

If this happens, it doesn’t mean you’re regressing.It means your nervous system remembers, and it’s trying to keep you safe.

Reason 3: Grief Feels Sharper During the Holidays

If you’ve lost a loved one (recently or years ago) holiday traditions, songs, photos, and rituals can bring grief to the surface.

You might feel:

• sadness

• numbness

• guilt

• longing

• anxiety about gatherings

Grief often comes in waves, and holidays invite those waves in stronger and closer. Meeting them with gentleness is not a sign of weakness: it’s a sign of love.

Reason 4: Your Body Feels the Season Too

Shorter days, colder temperatures, busy schedules, and disrupted routines all affect your:

• sleep

• pain levels

• energy

• sensory load

• stress threshold

Chronic pain often flares during the holidays, and emotional overwhelm can show up in the body before the mind catches up.

The body keeps you informed: if you pause long enough to listen.

Reason 5: Caregiving Intensifies This Time of Year

If you’re caring for aging parents, children, partners, or loved ones, the holidays can increase emotional and logistical pressures. You may feel pulled in multiple directions or unable to rest because others depend on you.

Caregivers often experience:

• emotional exhaustion

• guilt

• resentment mixed with love

• lack of support

• unrealistic expectations from family

You deserve support too.

Reason 6: You’re Human, Not a Holiday Machine

This time of year demands more of us:

• more energy

• more presence

• more socializing

• more emotional labor

But your nervous system has limits.Your body has limits.Your heart has limits.

You are allowed to honor them.

How to Care for Yourself Through the Holidays

Here are a few grounding practices that can help:

1. Lower expectations (kindly).

“Good enough” is a healing strategy, not a failure.

2. Set small, clear boundaries.

Even one boundary can create relief.

3. Make space for mixed feelings.

Joy and sadness can coexist.

4. Practice emotional regulation.

Short pauses, breathing, stepping outside, or shifting environments can help.

5. Treat yourself with compassion.

If the holidays feel hard, it’s not a personal flaw: it’s part of the human experience. Try practicing self-compassion.

Download my Holiday Self-Care Checklist:

Holiday SelfCare.pdf

Download PDF • 537KB

You Don’t Have to Navigate the Holidays Alone

If this season brings stress, grief, or overwhelm, support can make all the difference. Therapy can help you understand your reactions, develop grounding strategies, work with protective parts, and move through the holidays with more steadiness and presence.

You can schedule a consultation directly through my website.

Related Posts

• What Does Emotion Regulation Really Mean?

• Why Self-Compassion Matters (and How to Practice It)

• Listening to the Body: How Emotions Speak Through Physical Symptoms

Looking for more resources? You can explore our full Article & Resource Guide here