Why Self-Compassion Matters (and How to Practice It)

When life feels overwhelming, many of us turn our frustration inward. We say things to ourselves that we would never say to a friend: “You should have done better,” “You’re failing,” or “Why can’t you just get over this?”

But what if, instead of criticism, we tried kindness? That’s the heart of self-compassion — treating ourselves with the same warmth and care we’d offer someone we love.

What Is Self-Compassion?

Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff describes self-compassion as having three parts:

1. Self-kindness – Being gentle with ourselves when we make mistakes or feel inadequate.

2. Common humanity – Remembering that suffering and imperfection are part of being human — we are not alone.

3. Mindfulness – Noticing our feelings with balanced awareness, without ignoring or exaggerating themSelf compassion booklet.

Self-compassion isn’t about “letting yourself off the hook.” It’s about creating the supportive inner voice that actually helps us learn, grow, and heal.

Why It Helps

Research shows that practicing self-compassion can:

• Reduce stress, anxiety, and depression

• Lower perfectionism and self-criticism

• Boost resilience and problem-solving

• Improve relationships and emotional intelligence

• Even calm the body’s stress response, activating systems in the brain that promote safety and connectionSelf compassion booklet

Two Sides of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion has both a gentle side and a fierce side:

• Tender Self-Compassion (Yin): Soothing and comforting ourselves, like resting after a hard day.

• Fierce Self-Compassion (Yang): Taking action to protect ourselves, like setting boundaries to prevent burnoutSelf compassion booklet.

Finding balance between these two allows us to both care for ourselves and take steps toward change.

A Simple Exercise: The Self-Compassion Break

Here’s a short practice you can try the next time you feel stressed:

1. Pause, take a deep breath, and notice your feelings.

2. Say to yourself:

   • “This is a moment of suffering.”

   • “Suffering is part of life.”

   • “May I be kind to myself in this moment.”

3. Place your hand on your heart (if comfortable) and breathe gently as you repeat these wordsSelf compassion booklet.

Many people find this quick practice helps soften self-criticism and restore balance.

Final Thoughts

Being kind to yourself isn’t indulgent — it’s essential. The way we speak to ourselves can either deepen suffering or open the door to healing.

At the Aurora Center for Psychology & Wellbeing, I often integrate self-compassion practices into therapy, whether we’re working on trauma, life transitions, or chronic pain. Because when we learn to meet ourselves with kindness, lasting change becomes possible.